Great! Now I have guilt!

This time 8 years ago we came on holiday to Norfolk with our then 2 year son.  The holiday was wonderful but one of our biggest & fondest memories was going to Roys of Wroxham and buying him Buzz Lightyear & Woody toys.  Over the years, as in the stories, they’ve been loved & played with and passed down to our second son.

Now, the reality is that they’ve been stuck down the bottom of a box of fluffy toys for the past year or so. Ever present but largely ignored.  I’m afraid lego, Star Wars and a myriad of other toys have replaced them somewhat.

Last weekend we had a spontaneous “tidy up” of our sons bedrooms.  In parent talk, “tidy up” is a euphemism for clear out the detritus and fill a box for the charity shop so we can actually vacuum the floor.  You can see where this is going…

Everything was going great.  The kids were watching TV and I was going great guns in the youngests bedroom.  In our house, the loft is where we put those toys that we’re not quite sure whether to pass on yet.  They aren’t getting played with but maybe they’ll come back down for a 2^nd lease of life.  I’d already moved a few things up there including Buzz & Woody.

I knew it was a marginal decision but I wasn’t kicking them out of the house.  In fact, I thought they may stay with us for a future generation.  When I told my wife what I'd done her face dropped - wrong decision.  I was quickly scuttled back up to the loft to retrieve both Buzz & Woody and put them back in the bedroom!

No harm had been done & we’d worked out the best thing to do, albeit driven by emotional attachment towards two inanimate outgrown toys!  No-one else knew what nearly happened.

The thing is now I have guilt, just like Rex in the original Toy story film...

I think the dialogue between Slinky and Rex is probably what my wife and I experienced!

How about you?  What are your stories of kids, toys and emotional attachments?  Does anyone else “manage out” the outgrown toys?  Would love to hear from you!

Ubiquitous

Five years ago I had a Blackberry – I hated it.  Not the technology itself but the ever present email & calendar.  With a change in jobs I quite happily left it behind and stuck with a simple mobile phone.  That didn’t work out so well in the end (long story) and everyone else already had a smartphone so I succumbed to the technology.  Now I can’t imagine trying to manage without one.

No problem?  Well I’m not so sure....

This summer we took 2 weeks in the sun to do nothing but sit by the pool, go to the beach and have fun as a family.  An utterly brilliant time was had by all.  I had to work whilst away so I brought the smartphone and netbook.  Neither were omnipresent and the fact that I had to work was remarkably OK with the family.

Sitting by the pool I could see most adults were either reading their Kindle, browsing their iPad or tapping their smartphone.  When not in the pool, most of the teenage kids were almost constantly on their own phones doing similar.  The technology was ubiquitous and for most of the day these families were happily uncommunicative with those immediately around them. 

Yet there were still families like us who were quite happy reading a good old paperbacks, playing with the kids, swimming and hanging out together.  When it got too hot or we were too tired we’d all find shade and read, play cards or Pictureka.  Sometimes the kids would go explore and hang out with friends they’d made or play table tennis.  Even when they got out their DSi’s they’d do it in the company of other kids, constantly sharing, talking and engaging.

Here’s the problem .... am I missing something?

I feel that the ubiquity of technology can be liberating and empowering.  I believe that it can also cause us to miss the engagement, connections and sheer joy of those immediately around us.

So is my "kindle-resistance" useful or a hang up from the past?

Is it OK to be uncommunicative around the pool when you can communicate with friends on the other side of the world?  After all you're still engaging.

Am I missing something?  I would love to hear your views & experiences.

Boundaries

As a parent, you help your children understand the boundaries and social norms that you believe are appropriate.  Family & friends help reinforce these views.  Our children will inevitably be exposed to behaviours which we don’t favour but it is all part of the learning process.

To have a boundary you need to know what is on either side.

So what do you do when your 6 year old comes home from school with swear words that your 10 year old doesn’t even know yet?  We’re dealing with this right now.... 

Whose fault is it?  Not the children’s.  The teachers of course don’t ever permit swearing.  Each family has their own boundaries and acceptable behaviours.  TV & radio shows broadcast language I find inappropriate for children before the accepted watershed.  Blaming society is largely pointless.  At some stage they will inevitably learn a multitude of swear words and their application!

I can’t fully prevent them being exposed to bad language or behaviour.  In fact, perhaps they need to be aware of some bad language or behaviour so they can develop their own personal boundaries and ethics.  My role is to help them learn how to form and develop appropriate boundaries and ethics.

Who helps us form and develop appropriate boundaries and ethics in the workplace?

As adults, we largely assume that we have well developed personal boundaries and ethics.  We assume that these unspoken boundaries & ethics that we bring with us to work are fit for the job.

Unfortunately, experience shows that this is not the case... just look at those cases of insider trading, discrimination, harassment.  Yet most discussions with staff focus on performance of task rather than the most appropriate boundaries and ethics for their workplace.

What do you think?  Is there a place for more discussion at work regarding boundaries and ethics?  Would love to hear your thoughts, views and experiences.

Black & White

Yesterday was my 10year olds first chess congress.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but he was delighted at the prospect and specifically wanted me to join him.  Surprisingly this was not the fear of separation but actually recognition that he’d have my undivided attention for a constant 9 hours!

Having driven the hour or so to the coast, we arrived at a Primary school venue to find a melee of children all very excited to be there, back in school!  Of course they were there for fun but the irony was not lost on any of us.

The congress was superbly organised by a small group of volunteers funding free drinks and snacks with a raffle.  So taxi duties completed and totally captive all I had to do was sit around for 7 hours.

Actually, this proved to be a great opportunity to catch up on work and reading.  Though the reality was that being my Saturday I couldn’t quite summon up enough the same diligence as I would normally... so I also chatted and watched the kids and parents...

Most of the children were obviously keen to play chess but also very relaxed about their performance at the tables.  Some were jubilant but there’s no place for soccer heroics after you've swiftly beaten someone at chess.  In between round the kids played or read or made use of the free snacks!

The day finished and awards given we headed home to find an empty house.  The rest of the family rather than staying at home had gone to an impromptu kids party!

Reflecting on this day of chess, so much of what we expected was different but still enjoyable.  The environment made that happen and there was joy in the unexpected.  Little in this world is black and white even if you think it is.

This is a short but sweet post on my Saturday at a chess congress but I think there are parallels with what we do each day of our week.

So what are you doing to create the environment for the unexpected?  How much does your expectation influence your experience?  Would love to hear your thoughts & experiences!

Prepare to Stretch Yourself!

Learning requires us to experience what we do not already comprehend. In the workplace, we naturally learn in small increments as we fulfil our roles. However, to create a shift in learning and ability often requires us to stretch our known skills into the unknown.

Taking on such a challenge requires support, trust, encouragement and a willingness to take that step into the unknown. Often the best results come when that journey is shared.

Learning is a shared journey
Throughout our childhood we were constantly stretched by our parents and teachers. Whether it was being encouraged to take our first steps, reading more difficult stories or achieving higher grades.

Although it was our own knowledge and abilities that were being stretched, the challenge was shared with those responsible for overseeing our development. Sometimes this challenge was a joyful exploration. Other times we resisted and were encouraged, cajoled or pushed into stretching ourselves.

When we didn't have this support we felt it and probably didn't succeed as easily if at all.

Now we are adults we are more responsible and independent in our actions. However, we often forget that our learning has been a product of shared journeys with people we trust, stretching and challenging us along the way.

I know from my own experience as well as my work as a coach the impact such support can have when being asked to perform a new role or take on a stretching objective.

Prepare to Stretch Yourself
If we know what has worked throughout the most intensive period of learning in our lives (our childhood) then shouldn't that guide how we prepare ourselves in the workplace?

As a manager stretching your team are you prepared to share that journey and stretch yourself? How will you provide the necessary encouragement, coaching or motivation that may be required? How will you respond when someone tries but fails? How will you celebrate their achievements?

As an individual being stretched, how are you preparing yourself? Who will provide you with the support you need? How do you see this opportunity to learn? With support, how committed are you to the challenge?

Prepare to stretch yourself or others by ensuring it is a shared experience where support is abundant and judgement is not. Just look at how much we've achieved through being stretched in this way in the past. Why should it be any different now?